Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
