She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
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