two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i drank out of a bidet.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
