I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize