your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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