The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
