i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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