her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
