Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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