how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
