You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
