Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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