so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
