***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
