i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize