i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
