I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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