Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
