After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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