Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
