I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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