As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
