my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
