eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
