so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
