wakey wakey hands off snakey
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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