Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
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Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
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I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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