and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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