We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
