dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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