After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
