I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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