I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
