You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
