Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The air was thick with penises
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
