Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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