I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
