the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Acid is not a monday night drug
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
