A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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