Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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