i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
