Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
