Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize