This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
