your parents love me but you hate me
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
