i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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