I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Its about making memories worth repressing
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
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