Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
