In the future we'll all be gay
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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