I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
