either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
