Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
