I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
