It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
