no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
