I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
should my penis look like a turkey
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.