when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.