Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE