If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
