My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
