What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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