If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It's Friday. Sex?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
