i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
