i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
