i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
