and you said cock pushups were impossible
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
