I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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