Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
